i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize