So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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