Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I party with great urgency now.
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