i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
