i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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