A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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