I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
