dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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