Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
