My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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