Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
