I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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