you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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