last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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