The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
