How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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