dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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