hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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