I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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