She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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