3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
