Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
