it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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