so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There's always time for handjobs
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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