I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I could make wine with my vomit
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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