is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
