i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How does it feel to date your dad?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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