i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
