So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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