I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
