Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
