if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
