when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
