I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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