You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
