I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
