There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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