omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
