FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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