is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
