We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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