how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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