Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
