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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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