Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
