i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
