u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
