Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You were trust falling into bushes
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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