AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wear drunk well.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
