I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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