I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
