Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
