How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
