dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
