I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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