thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
