The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I supernannyed him into submission
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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