if i can run in heels then i can drive
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
