This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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