Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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