I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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