Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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