The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
