i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
