I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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