so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize