mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
