cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
