Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
